Everything feels like starting over again :) The magic is new and familiar. Standing on only my own two feet is comforting and challenging at the same time. This feels like me.
Note to myself: GROW UP.
Every day I am learning more about myself, about the world, and about how to choose peace. I am not yet graceful enough, I do not always land on the target of my destination, but I am trying to at least make this awkward stumbling around seem like fun while I am doing it.
Sort of suffering :/ Need a vacation.
This weekend, I will begin packing up the room that I have had since I was 17. It has been eleven years here in this house. There was so much hope in my heart when my family first moved here. It was a fresh start. It was a do-over. On the contrary, I learned that the starting over has to be a process that happens inside of each individual person. Moving to a new place does not change the flaws in a person’s character. One cannot leave the excess of emotional baggage from their past behind at the old household. My father still spewed the same poison from his tongue, my mother still had the same pain in her heart. And I… I still carried the same disappointments.
Now, I am moving out. Not for any of the reasons listed above, I am leaving peacefully. I have a better opportunity elsewhere. I hit the “start fresh” button a long time ago. There were changes that I wanted to make inside of myself. Increase my faith, become wiser, understand finances, develop my dreams, finish college. I have completed some of these and I am still struggling with others, but what I know is that I am stronger today than I ever was before. I have suffered disappointment so often now that I realize just what a strong woman I have become. I guess… I am sort of a grown-up now. It feels crazy.